adventures of righty & lefty

vulnerability

2012-02-17T03:06:00.001+09:00

is there such a thing as too personal? i wonder what information i let out tonight. it came out so naturally with the help of some liquid courage. still. letting someone know so much so soon. i wonder if they'll treat it as delicately as i normally do. does it seem only vulnerable because so few people know about what's really going on in my head? if i let enough people know, will it be ok?

i worry. i think too much. i'm paranoid. or am i?

i hate being vulnerable.

told myself. warned myself. now it's too late.

ironic. i planned my lesson this week on language and communication. internal use of language.

something tells me something is up.

what?

258

2012-02-15T10:28:00.000+09:00

today is my 258th day
how do i know s wrote me about the grant he started writing the day i started here
he complained how 258 days has brought him closer to nowhere
jayz in carnegie hall thats what i remember in the last 258 nothing more

아! 왜

2012-02-15T09:51:00.001+09:00

로워 mumz calls to ask if anyone gave me a flower today before i can answer she says a client gave her a purple carnation immediately i answer a flat no 그런데 왜 다들 왜 왜로운거야 도대채 집신은 작재기만 만드러젔나 나한테 왜롭다고 증증대지마라. today read this "sign up is thru facebook, its faster AND we can check if ur real" what?! 뭔말이야

studying
listening to FM 음악도시 성시경입니다

한심한사람 답답하다 너무너무 답답하다

왜로은건 혼자있어서가 않이라 혼자있지못해서

혼자있는거를 좀더 이숙해저야하나....

lingua franca

2012-02-14T22:05:00.004+09:00

essay correction takes up as much time as class prep, with the current number of students i'm approximating around 6hrs a week? expecting more.

class prep: the evolution of language. kids have such advanced thinking processes, but they still lack the exposure. it's like understanding the idea but not being able to apply it. like having a car without a license; or a license without a car. my job is to connect the dots. not as easy as it sounds.

can't trust people.

linsanity

2012-02-13T10:01:00.002+09:00

ya im not a spectator but have you seen jeremy lin of the ny knicks?

(mis)fortunes

2012-02-13T01:09:00.001+09:00

all of my fortune tellers tell me to stop thinking so much. it's written in the stars. or on my face. or the white hairs. they all said the same thing. this year's gonna suck.

giants

2012-02-10T11:50:00.001+09:00

superbowl weekend started with a beautiful day left work at 1pm this is why i'm staying here btw where else can i come and go as i please discussing education, money to be made in education, value of work, life, and then great french food, beer, cheese, cured meats, sopresseta!!! then park, my favorite. there was overflow so i booked a room for us at the pod hotel on 51st and 3rd is very japanese, efficient, no space wasted, so small i couldn't get an angled shot of all three walls.

supercheap. 76$ very clean. actually i was kinda worried when we arrived, it had the "love motel" feel from the outside. i'll show you the pick on the door if you ask in person.

turned out to be a grey saturday. why don't they serve ny style bagels here in philly, lox, tomato, lettuce, red onion, cucumbers on an everything bagel is always delicioso. the man who made mine either wasn't very good at math or was just having a hard time figured out how much not to charge me. 3.95 + 1.85 he kept saying over and over, so i blurted out 5.80. he smiled and wrote 5.20 on my bagel. i've never met a mexican who couldn't add quickly. s.grunted a laugh.

then MON. ha! 4am off to nyc again. to be back at work by noon. somehow super productive day. finished page 375 after starting on page vii, i.e pre page 1. and somehow, it's already thursday.

i still can't remember anything. giant erasers. amyloid plaques maybe screams j.

instead of heading to sg today, still in the states. tomorrow headed for intensive treatment session.

joining recess. b/c friend who used play big city with me recommended recess.

in october, my 10 yr contract is up. learning vba so i don't have to pour over 10 years of data by hand, cell by cell, line by line. j wants to publish the data. i say we hold on, work on it 4-5 more and making into something really marketable, then license it. the idea not it per se. it doesn't feel like it's been 10 years.

this wk a friend tells me his sis got into hls. which is awesome cause the last i talked to him, his sis didn't speak english much. effort, is scarier than being genius. she's both. gotta be. and before my eyes closed for the night, the last thought that silently explodes then dissipates faster than fireworks, wth have you been doing? no effort, no genius. just sleep.

as for reading: the bible

listening to lots of clazzi and other electronica

being anti social

list

2012-02-07T21:48:00.001+09:00

computer on = check
milk = check
bottle of water= check
chocolate cake snack = check
spicy shrimp crackers = check (in case i'm in a savoury mood)
books = check check check check
blog post = check

let the all nighter commence. again.

it's only 8 months

2012-02-06T20:56:00.001+09:00

it's only 8 months

it's only 8 months

it's only 8 months

8 months = 329 days. i can do this.

kismet

2012-02-06T16:12:00.001+09:00

the curse is back.
snow snow snow. even nature is against me.
i feel like i'm drowning underwater after an epic biblical drought. and by epic, i mean like two weeks. remember that song we loved to play every morning? "head under water, and you tell me/ to breathe easy for a while". drowning all the same.
but i guess if i'm underwater, i won't have to worry about the little things.
someone got stabbed on my street yesterday. it was surreal to see the bloody footprints that led away from the scene. it was dark, so people who didn't see the man slumped in the pool of blood didn't know they were walking through it like it wasn't the life force of a human being. most of the store owners managed to wash away the blood in their storefront, but there was still half a bloody footprint on the corner, worn but not washed away. just a bit of darkened pavement. my little secret.
so much reading to do. you know, it's like when you're hungry and you go grocery shopping... you come back with much more food than you can expect to eat. good thing books don't expire.

i'm just really really tired.

2012-02-03T03:33:00.000+09:00

can i just... quit?

resolutions

2012-02-03T02:41:00.002+09:00

i think part of my resolutions are on their way to being achieved. i'm scared.

chakra

2012-02-02T19:44:00.003+09:00

preparing like a mad professor, scribbling notes, researching every corner of the internet, bringing it all together to sell my soul.

then i think to myself, could i do this every day of the next year? ah... time is relative, right?

when people wish me any holiday greeting, i stare, and say "i don't do holidays."

awkward turtle pursues to flail.

better than peppero day

2012-02-02T10:06:00.002+09:00

caption: leessang and yb. yb!
it's only the first of february and people are already asking about what my plans are for valentines day. i rarely know what tomorrow will bring. you want me to tell you what's going to happen next, next week? j turns to me and says, you're only angry bc you have no definite plans. not true but if i argue to the contrary the more it's going to look like that that really is the reason. so i just sat and smiled. and that made me realize, I'M the dragon without the fire. where did the spitfire go? looked at my wall where it reads, " 텅비어있으면, 남에게 아름답고 내게 고요합니다." my boss embodies that. maybe that's why g! brought me back here. to learn that to the extent my bones will be hollow. back to better than peppero day, why all of the sudden is everyone making this last ditch effort to get a date on a patron saint's memorial day? ---is he a patron or just a saint? it's worse than trying to do young things right before you're offically old. yesterday met a tanzanian. was invited to visit him. j asks "why the hell do people ask you for directions, you are the most directionally challenged person i know, figuratively and literally, but you never fail to manage to get someone to ask you directions! does this happen to you at least once a day?" actually, maybe not once a day, but at least once a week. and with these people, do i have conversations. which j finds even more puzzeling, he screams "you should be afraid of talking to strangers, or at least reluctant to, you hate talking to me and i see you at least once a week" que silent laughter. rolling rolling rolling. on a side note, picked up live certified mail today, still breathing and angry. lovely. lovely. lovely.

sus chords

2012-01-31T10:15:00.000+09:00

even my boss is reading pinker. this weekend convo with j. sus chords are like synonyms where you can't hear the difference if you're thinking about it. shot above from the fields. the cherry tree is confused. to blossom or not to blossom, that is the question.

i slept 26 hours yesterday. but still felt numb this morning. so as i lay there debating whether or not to go to work, i remember vividly my 6 year old self limp, burning, yet begging my mom to let me go to school. where did that go? why did that resolve exist in the first place?

too tired. so tired. i hate being tired. i hate being sick.

j brought groceries. organic it said, but too clean, too perfect, organic should be modest and enshrined in evidence of labor not work, like this old chevy. to make up for not having eaten in two days, a pound of grass fed ny strip, and a loaf of challah, with a glove of roasted garlic, and a bell pepper whole. conclusion: i should have stayed at tare weight. i feel so much better empty.

clazzi's project: lee seung yeol and myk

this wasn't on the album, but it should have been

looking for dynamic duo piece i heard friday haven't found it, but listen to this. 가볍고 기프고 웃껴.

never mind i'll find someone

2012-01-29T05:28:00.004+09:00

returning from my first night of partying in months and i can't fall asleep. high off of... not love, something, maybe that galbi we had after the clubs. wasting time and wasting time, afraid that each night out will be my last as my body slowly falls apart at the joints into a pile of skin and bones and fat. in my case, that can be taken literally and figuratively. saving some time and space. i can't imagine hurting more and i fear what will happen in the next few years. i can't imagine living day by day knowing that life will get worse.

make the most of the moment now.

losing my sense of smell and touch.

i just need a freakin job. that pays. is that too much to ask?

cue anxiety attack.

ap for this

2012-01-25T10:16:00.000+09:00

arguing with a today about my supposed uppidy white girl cadence where the s sounds linger like symbol hit but not muzzled and my syllables cut not rolled like layers of brioche a tries to prove his point by telling me to rap i love hip hop spoken word rhythm and rhymes but like more of a clown than a simple poser as one white man told me at a jazz fest you dont need to understand or be one to embrace love is better enjoyed when one is not thinking so i try at a insistent to rap words tumble and fumble bc i dont remember clearly like grasping at fog then i grab what i am angrily typing on at the moment my iphone and i give him some leessang amd sumpreme team did u ever notice that gil does the singing and gehli does the straight rap and so i try i roll the harsh consonants tha stratch the beginning of the korean alphabet and surpisingly simon d is teaching how to roll and slide kick and snare in english its been an interesting night and its only 8:15 guru ni

listening to tim keller reason to live
reading this is your brain on music (after giving up on vba)
thinking about how others hear me when i talk

catag

2012-01-23T08:58:00.000+09:00

eating alone the man looked like boy what happens to people when they're all alone we tried to be nice and include him in our conversation after all he was sitting right next to us but he couldn't see or maybe he saw pity not compassion. snow. finally some snow but not enough to snowshoe. just enough for the mountain to be enveloped in the sugary soft sounds. ramen is best when cooked with melted snow. above a piece in front of the jefferson hospital. it begins with dna code and ends in chinese. evolution of language...

reading you shall know our velocity

watched 티끌모아

천천히 돌아오는구나

at the end of the day...

2012-01-19T00:44:00.002+09:00

you know what's best for you.

survival of the fittest.

6th sense

2012-01-17T18:06:00.002+09:00

that creepy feeling on the back of my neck. that uneasy pit. something telling you to go or not to go. the question is why? gotta learn to interpret the signs better.

mormon mitt

2012-01-13T12:32:00.000+09:00

when religion defines you, beyond simple inflections of nuances, you become an image, a reflection upon your deity. sadly, to this part of the world, which has allowed thinking to be replaced by passive conformation, a man with a deity is a man lacking logic. so these were the words of one loaded with OH groups, and i smiled as the counts came in and NH pitched in without saying a word, in this argument. looking forward to president mitt.

trees carry the wind more than twigs.

the cold three dimensional.

this morning, so absorbed in reading i forgot to get off the train. fortunately, a woman familiar with the underground connections guided me through an empty maze, so i wouldn't have to wait for the next train, so i wouldn't have to walk in the rain, and she forced me to talk. and at the end it was great conversation, until i turned around and looked at her to say goodbye and thank you. her eyebrows. i couldn't take my eyes for her eyebrows. and i forgot to say goodbye and thank you.

lately the thoughts in my head, are louder than the physical sin waves.

adrenaline

2012-01-12T17:15:00.003+09:00

schedule requires me to wake up at 5 am.

first day:

brain: alright let's do this.
body: s'all good. gots me some adrenaline.

second day:

brain: um......... i can do this. i think.
body: i hate you.

third day:
brain: .... body?
body: you're gonna crash. and burn.

yogurt

2012-01-10T11:49:00.003+09:00

righty: remember the denmark milk and yogurt we obsessed over from costco? they make flavored yogurt now. tiramisu and apple cinnamon are crave-worthy.

허무

2012-01-10T11:29:00.000+09:00

힐링캠프, 장혁편봤는데, 사람은 찐짜 노력이구나. 허무하게 살지말자.

it's 4 am

2012-01-10T03:45:00.001+09:00

and looking to rsa/cognitive media for inspiration.

ah... sir ken robinson. you make me smile.

flooded market

2012-01-09T21:07:00.004+09:00

there must be something wrong with me. i've never had such a hard time getting a job offer before... eating yogurt and sulking in my room.

edit: and watching the good wife.

mishmash

2012-01-09T11:12:00.000+09:00

through the looking glass..."they don't write books or make movies about people not at the end of their rope."

this is how i see this year progressing...yes, already

i've got my omg face on right now...

2012-01-05T03:10:00.001+09:00

coz that's exactly why i should've pursued the medical field.

and...

2012-01-05T03:08:00.001+09:00

by non-useless, i mean... something that's meaningful in and outside of the context in which it is useful. like... construction or... damn... maybe this is why my parents wanted me to be a doctor.

useless

2012-01-05T03:01:00.003+09:00

i've come to realize... again... that our lives are precariously built, dangerously balanced, around a house of cards. i need to get a non-useless job. but i have no idea what it is. T.T

Shelter from the cold

2012-01-04T15:14:00.002+09:00

Currently in a caffe bene devouring honey bread (giant slice of bread w whipped cream n caramel syrup) and americano recovering from a potentially devastating natural disaster of an interview. I was hired. Srsly... Have a sum imprinted on my mind that Im desperately hoping will be my annual income... But easier said than done. Told my friend I feel like a headless chicken running around as the day goes by the frantic feeling gets more intense and my heart starts beating in my throat and thoughts literally race by like they're all competing to come in first for my attention but we know how this story ends like a fiery pileup on a deserted highway in a lightening storm. Hm... My life sounds strangely like the greys midseason finale. Oh well. No original thought. I can't bear the thought of going back out in the blustery wind the impending winter has finally come in the form of wind that literally freezes your face to the point where you have to thaw after coming inside. Bug I have to go to beat rush hr traffic. Or it's literally going to take me two hrs to get home. Standing.

Off to face the lighening and thunder,

Sincerely yours.

Lefty

rock that is higher than i

2012-01-02T09:11:00.000+09:00

from the end of the earth

will I cry unto you, when my heart is overwhelmed:

lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

psalm 61:2

내 마음이 눌릴 때에

땅끝에서부터 주께 부르짖으오리니

나보다 높은 바위에 나를 인도하소서

this weekend in the midst of too many events, aloof, i observed and realized that as immigrants our actions not only reflect upon who we are, but who are children will be, and what our country is. although this may be home, the words in translation above are more declarative of what i am thinking. regardless of religion and culture, human principles are the same. if only people could respect that. no, it doesn't even require the invested interest of respect, maybe even just acknowledgement.

listened to a lecture from this guy who preaches about the "golden circle" how leaders focus on why they're doing something as opposed to what they are doing. codifying thought processing, putting names to ideas,...i need to learn more nouns.

this year.

new years resolutions

2011-12-31T21:29:00.004+09:00

\\disclaimer: this is all based on the fact that i find dates and years and time to be... well, all relative and random and articifial but here goes...//

normally i find resolutions to be quite limiting. but hey, here's a list. most likely, won't be realized. but it's good to dream. hope. as intangible as it is. maybe because i actually wrote this down in this wild wild west that is the internet, i'll live up to it.

1. proenza schouler ps 1 + ysl chyc cabas + celine luggage tote (most lusted, most laughable)

2. 24 new books.

3. no drastic hair cut or color. esp. not red. this will really test my resolve and keep my pillowcases clean.

4. at least (1) trip abroad. jeju does not count.

5. work enough to be in WA (workaholics anonymous). i don't want to be lazy. but it is only a cautionary want. no action yet.

6. learn a new sport... like swimming. or war of warcraft. or something.

7. lucky number seven is tba.

good luck to me.

good luck to you.

cheers to a happy happy new year.

running to nowhere

2011-12-30T12:43:00.000+09:00

thats what the last few days have been like only one meal a day and that meal i usually forget until 3pm that i need to eat it getting everything and nothing done looked at my planner for next year how'd i let this new gig rule my life??? must do something about it but dont have time to mon tallied the expenses for little man seriously seriously almost 3bm thats a hefty portion of my paycheck i guess i should be happy about regular pay days as opposed to lump sum contract work

mercenaries missionaries masochists are all the same j says ha! true true the bow tie at dinner was a hit j's mom squinted than scowled when she saw it love it i think i'm going to buy a few more

propritary quarters

harvard square this wknd j is paying everyone really

masochist

2011-12-27T08:16:00.000+09:00

ha! beauty with effort only th woman tells me as she slathers my face with molten lava that soon cools she hits every pressure point and then works on the knots in my neck as squirm then cry b/c she asks me does this hit as though she were the antichrist and the lava rock hard my face my neck my throat cement no sounds so tears are swept away by gauze she takes a needle to my face and digs out the whiteheads she finishes with a hot and then cold towel i walk out and scowl at the masochist who dragged me here converted to the religion of beauty with effort tears still lingering in my eyes i slowly realize my neck feels so much looser and my skin a bit holely a bit holely

swag

2011-12-25T12:19:00.003+09:00

ha ha ha. lower expectations and your bounty overfloweth.

actually got present i liked/needed. heart.

i've come to think of this time of year from a purely non-sectartian consumerist, not superficial for my love for shopping is deep, point of view. don't hate. don't judge.

i won't be pulling a gun or pepper spray during the seasonal sales tho. those people are crazy.

happy holiday seasons greetings ya'll.

skin update

2011-12-22T01:09:00.003+09:00

so considering i've been using every "hydrating" product out there, the conclusion is that it's not an external factor, but some sort of vitamin deficiency.

i mean, seriously, there is no environmental reason my skin should be flaking after serum, essence, oil, and three layers of cream. so i looked up the vitamin - skin correlation just to see what i might be lacking, specifically. well, turns out every other vitamin and mineral deficiency causes dry skin. ok, not every. more like, A, B, C, D... iodine and calcium.

yay me.

buying multi-vitamins tomorrow.

fear

2011-12-21T03:24:00.002+09:00

Men are moved by two levers only: fear and self-interest.

- Napoleon

sadly. so. true.

korean graffiti

2011-12-19T00:14:00.002+09:00

너가 나다 ... you are me

2011-12-18T01:14:00.002+09:00

how the heck are we supposed to survive this thing called life?
ok, sound like a teenage whiner on facebook, but this is quite hard to get used to.
just bought a bunch of books on the rise and fall of societies. i have a feeling that they're either going to be completely the same, or complete opposites. will let you know if i get through all of them and if i'm not too depressed by them. is impulse shopping ok, if it's book shopping?

my body decided to stop functioning in the book store today. thankfully found all the books i needed and was just able to crash in the jr section and reminece about the good ol' days, a little wistfully, and to the suspicious glances of parents and their near fluent kids.

one of the most important things about being a teacher is health. teaching is such draining job, physically and mentally. i don't know how i'm going to do it.

my brain refuses to function. i'm gonna have to steal... borrow my nephew's brain trainer.

tis the season

2011-12-16T21:12:00.002+09:00

for disappointments, it seems.

really have some crap so-called-friends.

planning a getaway. taj mahal in india or spa package to thailand?

the girl in me says spa. after all, the taj is a mausoleum. kinda sorta impressively depressing.

then again, do i really need a spa package?

A leaf that is destined to grow large is full of grooves and wrinkles at the start. Now if one has no patience and wants it smooth offhand like a willow leaf, there is trouble ahead. - goethe.

happy holidays to me! ~ still craving latkes.

sensus divinitatis

2011-12-15T11:24:00.000+09:00

"only dead fish follow the stream"

annual baking of bread. this year challah, rum cinnamon buns, french bread w/ mango butter.

ramen

2011-12-14T12:26:00.000+09:00

먹고십다!

자존감

the art of listening

2011-12-13T10:44:00.000+09:00

Henning Mankell

listening. in more than one language. and hearing the same information. is this how this ends?

the HIGGS BOSON tomorrow!
god gene now god particle

cravings...

2011-12-13T01:28:00.003+09:00

latkes

just another kind of 전, really. perhaps that's why it has such a special place in my heart. served hot topped with a dollop of sour cream. o.m.g.

too. cute.

2011-12-13T01:16:00.002+09:00

made me belly-hurt laugh today. and as a friend pointed out, it's amazing that they didn't fall down once in all that hopping and bopping.

was trying to be good. i think the key is to not stay in your pj's all day. but the life of a bum is sooooo... tempting.

tomorrow will be game day. getting the face ready. maybe i'll bop around like the taekwondo kids to warm up. knowing my luck, i'll probably fall over and break something.

ahha moments

2011-12-12T10:09:00.000+09:00

the ipad needs split screen capabilities
i need to carry cash instead of having youngens pay for my dessert
riding th septa is exhausting but interesting
my job is exhausting bc of the ppl not the work
ive never had a job where i hated the work
old ppl die in their sleep bc of lack of hydration
n i am an old person

this wknd met a who has a really cool british/spanish accent has never played squash before dk can hold no more oh groups than dk loves doing crazing things like racing to sushi yasuda just to get sushi his motto d vie two things equal life do love

j doesnt need to remind me or argue with me time has come

so do i do what i see others inthis situation doing?

my mother should win the nbp

disappointment

2011-12-10T12:36:00.002+09:00

and this is why i don't like being friends with people.

not that i'm blaming them, like... it's nature to be selfish. after all, survival of the fittest, right?

but it's still a pain in the ass.

i don't like being angry. and that just makes me angrier.

formula cop out

2011-12-08T00:01:00.003+09:00

skII + khiels midnight recovery + iope super vital moisturizing cream = still dry skin... as in by the end of the day, there are visible cracks and flakes on my skin + breaking out.

seriously. drinking enough water too. well, the same as before.

seriously.

also, v. expensive jeans ordered from states are... too big. will have to spend money to gain weight or spend money getting them adjusted. T.T

present progressive:

studying grammar. listening to 2ne1. looking for jobs. hating late night beer+snacks. fearing the future. craving love. making hair appointment. a v. expensive hair appointment.

long term potentiation

2011-12-07T11:00:00.000+09:00

lefty may really be the other half of my brain seal records juvi thats not pretense im not kidding who ever said typing from a tiny screen is fun y o y do i have to pay 30 for an internet service that works only when it feels like it memories are form from long term potentiation maybe thats why things have to be so painful before it sinks in listening to solid 90s kpop was good so was brit pop and am boy band ...."and i want it that way..."
pictures of panels life n crotcheting if my internet would only work i want n ipad w keyboard n red leather cover or the mac air just to read edit type in that order cheers! 19 days til christmas!!!!

pretense

2011-12-06T14:43:00.000+09:00

i hate pretending but recently ive had to do a lot of it pretend im happy
pretend im healthy pretend that i didnt hear didnt see whats worse is having to pretend im not pretending i know im bad at it i have an inkling that they can see it does it matter? looking for a bit of truth

on a lighter note how do i fix the radio interference onmy yamaha p85

perspectives

2011-12-04T14:08:00.002+09:00

girl: you're getting so skinny! i'm so jealous!

guy: you should eat more.

girl (a random girl at a bar, mind you): i love your jacket!

guy:...

girl: your legs are sooooo loooong. i'm so jealous!

guy: why are you so tall? you're too tall.

girl: kill(er) heels!

guy: why are you so tall? you're too tall.

girl: your makeup is gorgeous today.

guy: *stare*

like seriously?

national parks in korea

2011-11-30T11:15:00.000+09:00

np in rok. some places you go and it's just not as it awesome, or even just good as it was in the pictures, but the national parks, the nooks and crannies, the peaks, valleys, are more than you oogle over, more than you can imagine oogle over. start with one and look at all 160. then go and see it in person. yes, at the end of your trip, you legs may be shaking b/c they've never had to carry to so long, so far, i forget who, but an established architect said that the landscape is the terrestrial origin of the person. if rokeans are a conumdrum, brilliant, dull, in every sense of the words, complicated and modern like a simple black and white space, then the colors, the meloncholy, the stupor, the edge, the understated majesty, will make you want to come back.

holden caulfield might as well be running for president the this coming election.

blk man wht wman debates we had, got nothing on this.


hugh mccleod

a family matter

2011-11-28T23:54:00.003+09:00

sister: mom and dad had a fight about whether they should send you the shoes you ordered.

the fight (according to sister via dad)

dad: these boots are really heavy...

mom: you can't send those shoes. why would she order such shoes? they're too small for her anyway. even i can't fit my feet into those shoes!

dad: she said she lost weight in her feet. i don't know. she must've ordered them because she thought she could fit into them. but these are heavy shoes... (calculating cost to shipment)...

sister: well, if she can't fit into them, she can sell them or something. it's better than just leaving the shoes there...

mom: she's already so tall. if she wears those heels... she'll be TALL. i mean, did you see those heels? how is she going to find a husband in those shoes?

sister: well, if she's not going to wear them in her 20's, when is she going to wear them?

mom: she needs a husband more than those shoes. (ok... i made this one up. but i KNOW she was THINKING it)

dad: she says she wants them. i'm sending the shoes.

me: *hapyp jig* i'mgettingmyshoesi'mgettingmyshoesi'mgettingmyshoes!!!!!!!

sister: *eyebrows raised* exactly how tall are those heels?

age vs. will

2011-11-28T06:02:00.000+09:00

although it's only been four days, i feel like i've accomplished more than i have all month, all summer...once again, my mum's energy has me befuddled. where it comes from, i want to KNOW. seriously. my bro drove me back into the city, we stopped by my office to pick up my laptop so i can get a head start on Monday. as i sit here looking back still stunned by the energy, my body has no inclination to turn on that laptop.

turkey, brine in cinnamon and rosemary o/n stuff with cran, onion, and corn bread stuffing, baste with pineapple juice.

pork belly 3in. drip sizzle. serve with sauteed onions, raw kale, and cold red pepper radish kimchi.

what impending winter of doom?

2011-11-28T01:13:00.003+09:00

apparantly i didn't need the down blanket in the form of a jacket... because it's going to be 60 degrees for the next week.

really? 60 in december?

bit the bullet today

2011-11-26T21:44:00.003+09:00

in more ways than one.

now let's see who comes a knocking.

life, you gave me one good deal this weekend. i know i've been dragging my feet and moaning and whining about all the lemons. thank you for listening. thank you for reciprocating. i appreciated it. let's keep it coming!

후횐 없어 그저 바라볼 수 있게 붉게 타주오

* same song... but much cuter.

hibernation

2011-11-24T23:26:00.003+09:00

turning point. the weather's getting colder. contracts are ending. new beginnings to the holiday season. food's not going down, my knee won't move, and i can't bring myself to read anything. am i getting old? 30살이 너무 다가워. i need to live it up but all i can think about is sleeping. broke the diet today... chili cheese friends, 주먹밥, and 나가사키 라면. the whole cutting the sugar and salt and alcohol out of my life worked... for about three days. but some days, a girl just needs her iodine-sucking sodium. but now i feel disgusting. should've stuck with 친환경 제주 감귤. even if they grew up in those greenhouses righty was so disgusted with... they're quite delicious. oh gosh, i can feel the 미원 spreading through my body pulse after pulse. when i was fat, i never had any problems with late night 라면 and 주먹밥 feasts other than the beat-up looking face in the morning. recent studies have shown that i have to diet for a whole freakin year to keep the weight off and for my metabolism to catch up. not sure if i can go a whole week sodium and sugar free, forget a whole year.
anyway, turning point. all i want to do is hibernate and come out in the spring, money made, husband married, and kids born. ok, maybe not the kids. and maybe not even the husband. replace husband married with degrees earned? ok, i'll just stick with "i slept off all my excess weight and am now a pile of fur and bones to be fattened up all year long". preparing for my years of hard labor. by hard labor, i mean teaching 24-7 to make up for lost labor time being lazy. so maybe technically, i'm waking up from my hibernation. but all i want to do is sleep!

preparing my mobile station all in a heavy duty bag. i've got plans. plans i tell you! but i can't tell you because it's a secret.

signing off,

wax

2011-11-21T09:41:00.000+09:00

할필요없어, 그낭 때미는 아줌마 한테 가면되. slept since fri 7pm. i hate hate hate being sick. after 48 hr of something really far from the semblance of sleep, decided i needed something extremely hot. 짐질방, the only time i go here in the states, is if i'm sick and need some place to sweat out the bugs. today's added bonus, walked out so exfoliated, no need to wax. and the message they do here, super deep tissue, i have bruises, but i feel....better? if only i could eat something.

at least my kids knew who this guy was...

2011-11-21T00:33:00.002+09:00

"Still, in one of his lectures to students, Mr. Ahn said: 'You can’t find out how fast the river is flowing by sitting on the banks and watching. You have to take off your shoes and socks and jump in.'"

There's a reason why Koreans have call die-hard fans "mania"s. Not maniacs, but manias. The mood swings of this country can be annoying, and often times dangerous but mostly ridiculous. I mean, the new Seoul mayor won by a huge margin, but so did President Lee Myung Bak, who clearly has lost the people's confidence a long time ago. There's so many things right, and so many things wrong, I don't know what I'm trying to say.

feeding

2011-11-19T21:53:00.002+09:00

there must be an emotional wound needing some tending to somewhere on my being because today was simply monstrous.

there were a few simple things on my list... a down jacket for the impending deep-freeze korean winter, a few cheap scarves to protect the neck, a hoodie or maybe a fleece as part of the transitional i-cant-make-up-my-mind-whether-it's-summer-or-fall autumn (once again korea, 70 degree weeks in november are not ok), and a small shoulder bag. things that i don't NEED... well, ok, that down jacket is pretty practical, but things that will be useful in my life.

yeah. that didn't happen.

i did get the fleece. it's a gorgeous long haired uniqlo creation that's already started to shed, but anyway...

but i still consider myself ill-equipped for the brutal icy wind.

righty, you can guess what happened. you can shake your head sadly in shame now.

for those who don't know, i walked away with more stuff not on my "i really need this" list than on.

also, walked past another celebrity without knowing it. not major, nor the loves of my life like 소지섭 or 공유... but still. i feel like i'm missing out on something that's right under my nose.

anyway, off to drink some 막걸리...

starbucks green tea soy latte

2011-11-17T12:29:00.001+09:00

where have you been all my life?

that is all.

luke 10 reality check

2011-11-14T10:08:00.000+09:00

it took my 15 minutes of vacillation. i hadn't walked through those gates in awhile. i walked through the doors, late. walking unstable ground lately, been told i'm not humble enough, more precisely that i'm pompous. so i've been rewinding everything i've said. and now i stop, even mid sentence. b/c it takes too long to explain that it's coming from someplace completely innocent. i've never had such a difficult time speaking and making other people feel worthy, or at least comfortable. like j says, that's my role, my job, my forte. here, i can't seem to say anything. at all. and i think i will stick to that for now.

today's sermon, "reality check" a rhetorical discourse on who my neighbors are and who really is the good samaritan.

walking the streets, the homeless with their hands, their cups, as middle ground, safe to enter, their hands to intimate. after the mugging, i get really tense when someone i don't know walks too close to me. so i keep walking, before i would at least look up and smile. today, someone around my age, hands at his sides, shoulders bent, almost as though you could see the shadow of a japanese businessman half bowing to the foreigner...preparing to bow almost, he starts with, " i mean no disrespect"

i stopped. i couldn't look at him. but i also couldn't speed away. i knew he wanted to ask for money, food, help. but...

what did he mean? disrespect?

who am i? who are my neighbors?

i need...

2011-11-14T00:08:00.005+09:00

a partner in crime.

but even more desperately, i need a bigger closet.

it's not lik i'm asking for a whole friggin room... like this... (from thenewspaperdoll.com)

or even a wall for shoes... or a puppy. (this is probs from an instyle spread)

or carrie's closet! (from hbo)

i just... need more space.

FOR REALS.

good to know i've got my priorities straight.

이 느낌 느껴보고십어...

2011-11-13T16:04:00.002+09:00

just once.

too bad itunes only has the superstar k one.

last few days...

2011-11-11T18:30:00.011+09:00

bored and waiting for friends.
househunting.

my bus was re-routed to avoid high schools during the csats.

ZACPOT strikes again.

peppero day package. lovingly prepared by a teacher (me) for every student. i kinda wish i had a boy to prepare for. kinda.

and finally....

ta-da!

there's so many things right with this picture.... i can't even count. i literally jumped up and down the hallway when i saw what was inside (really... i have witnesses). thank you righty! how did you know that i didn't have any perfect sage green dress? how did you know i was looking for the perfect plum eyeshadow complimented with cotton candy pink lipgloss? heart heart heart!!!!!!!!!!

monk with a gun

2011-11-11T09:58:00.000+09:00

lefty aptly pointed out that righty usually refers to herself in the third person like so. she did this on a few occasions to tell me i'm wierd. but that's no secret. throwing myself away. apparently, i haven't thrown myself away enough, completely. why do people, and God, prefer that you be void? to be filled, but i can't digest.

if you needed a picture to describe me, i'd be the little monk with a gun.

great pic by steve mccurry

tv and heroes.

2011-11-07T23:58:00.006+09:00

watching

seriously. the writing is excellent. the quiet acting is fantastic. and hello, have you seen alicia's suits? fitting and smart. more stella than chanel, but still classic without being dowdy.

but let's talk about alicia florrick. my hero. like, finally a strong, smart female LEAD that's not dealing with social incompetence (bones, homeland), insecure "smart" sluts (satc), married to "real" doctors (greys), just straight out caricatures (desperate housewives), "real" but dealing with relatively easy situations (chuck, big bang theory), feminists in hiding (pan am), learning to deal with their own tragic beauty (gg) or crazy aliens/zombies/ghosts/wizards-basically all of sci-fi (doctor who, merlin, walking dead, buffy, vampire diaries, all of cw/abc family shows, need i go on?).

by the way, i love all of those shows as well.

for reals.

but the good wife. seriously good.

bravo bravo my life

2011-11-04T10:04:00.001+09:00

overheard at home...

2011-11-03T10:41:00.001+09:00

ajumma making hour by hour day by day plans for 김장 over the phone.

delicious!

dinner with the minister

2011-11-03T08:33:00.001+09:00

tomorrow dinner with the minister.
today fury. definitely let someone push me to the end of the rope.
so i went for a run to tie a knot and hang on.
in the process, landed dinner with the minister.
have been working on that for months!
the plan, the big plan, was just a crumpled ball of paper 9 months ago.
today, we opened and straightened a minute portion.
why is it that i speak better when i'm slightly angry?
before today, i never paid attention to the cal. burn meter on the mill.
wt. only 682 cal burned when running 5.9mph? that's it?!
now, i understand why the white breads are freaked out about eating cupcakes.
and stand envious as i devour 8 in one sitting.

j. remember that 24 egg frittata, with veg and bacon, ya, it was like that but worse.^^

i can't wait to not have to hold on to a rope.

for a stanford grad you'd expect better lyrics in english. it's not as good anymore T. maybe it's cause you're so happy now.

taught w. keys with relative pitch and chords. three days and the man is playing nocturne in e. genius, just not in love.

maybe all of my close friends have aspergers. that's the only explanation i have today for having really really great friends.

snow

2011-10-30T13:11:00.001+09:00

we were supposed to go to nham, but snow. went swimming early am, forgot about the snow, and sans funds, walked 1.2 mi back to my apartment, cold and wet. muscles too sore from heels, from swimming, being below 98.6 to run. i am. old. if i could have a superpower, i'd want to be able to instantaneously transport anywhere. sapporro for lunch, rome for dinner, la for kalbi. ^^ after studying, public house. my costume for halloween, the hacking jacket, skinny jeans, platform, smoky eye makeup. c showed up, all the way from tx. c played wed night ball with us. he knows the hs version of me. his greeting, "if you hadn't stopped smiling, i wouldn't have recognized you."

discussion over a bottle of ballentine, recent study on "comfort treatment" using kangaroos. measuring O2 saturation in infant marsupials when taken away from their mothers at birth, comparing to O2 sat rates and immunity in those who stay with their mothers. and how love is not just an emotion, how emotion is palpable, b/c it's literally chemistry...

netherlands

2011-10-26T07:34:00.000+09:00

shout out to the random person in the netherlands who comes to visit right and lefty every once in awhile. we should meet in the rok someday. b/c lefty seems to have an aversion to leaving. ^^ or lefty, when the euro finally sinks, we should head out and greet the dutch. curious how you found us and curious as to what brings you back to the ranting.

그땐 그랬지

2011-10-25T06:36:00.004+09:00

lefty: i beg to differ! i wasn't quite as interested in high school, if anything indifferent. but i've come to know and learn a lot from guys. there are some really good ones out there. give it some space. you could be like my current rm and be dating everything male within reach, but what good is that if you don't learn anything from it.

gym and towels. anyone who knows me knows i'm a complete germaphob. but i've given up. it's too much of a hassel to swim and bring all that wet stuff home, wash and dry it to just use it again the next day.

i don't know why, but my body can't seem to maintain normal body temp lately. maybe y i've been hooked on delispice lately

overheard @ starbucks

2011-10-24T02:06:00.004+09:00

"i give up on boys. why are they so stupid? i mean, if they were even nice, it'd be one thing. but they're not! all they do is .... rant rant rant"
~ 16/17 jr high school girl.

i couldn't help but listen in because this was an echo of EXACTLY what i said every night for the last three nights. and the same sentiment for the last three years.

i wanted to go over and offer some words of comfort, but all i could think of was:

you'd better get over that fast coz you're gonna find yourself thinking the exact same thing ten years down the road (a.k.a. me). go to college, major in something useful, stay smart, get a good job, make your own money, and be your own boss. coz if you don't, you're gonna find youself meeting your girlfriends at a starbucks talking about how you got stood up 5 times by 5 different boys in the last two months. ok, technically, the fifth time is a change of plans to an indefinite date, but that's only after it got delayed once already so i think it counts. i'm sure a smart girl like you can find something better to do with your time. take it from an older, but not much wiser woman.

her friend did much better:

who cares about X, you deserve better. all high school boys are stupid anyway. one day, you'll find the one, and that's all that will matter.

oh the naive hope of the young.

after that, i burnt by dark soul some more with a super spicy kebab. literally... burnt. i cried. the kebab people found it amusing.

and yes, you read right.

FIVE TIMES.

fool me once, shame on you boys.

fool me twice, shame on me.

fool me five times?

i don't deserve to live.

on a slightly ironic note, after spending hundreds of dollars getting my hair done, buying clothes and makeup for these supposed dates, i wasn't that surprised when the last-minute cancelation message came into my phone

- maybe this was some subconsious excuse to feed my shopping addiction, i dunno but wouldn't be surprised -

and after the second time, i was kind of expecting it

(perhaps another trend to add to my vacation-hurrican luck).

but dang, this is one heckuva hell-raising story for everyone who heard it, especially for the middle people who actually arranged these meetings.

me: yeah, he sent a message the day of. something happened. some work came up. i dunno.
middle person: he whut?
me: yeah. then i never heard from him again.
middle person: HE WHUT? expletive. expletive. i don't believe it!
me: yeah. want a kebab?

they don't want you to change...

2011-10-23T00:57:00.002+09:00

when literally everyone has reservations or outright thinks your choices are not the right ones to take...

this could end really really disastariously.

or really really successfully.

was that even grammatically correct? and i have the nerve to call myself an english teacher.

transubstatiation

2011-10-20T09:31:00.000+09:00

the last time i ate at per se there were tears flowing, in another's eyes. but i still remember thinking, this is decent. just read an article that makes eating at per se sound almost celestial. if people can talk about food as though it were a holy experience, why can't people talk about money for what it really is, just paper. reading about outliers in currency evaluation at the suggestion of h. he thinks this should be standard reading for anyone interested in the future. we sat over dinner not eating, but debating the value of currency. ...another way to think of it.. even sign language is different for different languages. it's because people of different cultures see the same idea in different planes, like rays of refracted light through a prism. could you give value to work? of course. without cash? ... so h asked, if you got fired tomorrow. would you worry? i smiled. he answered, "of course not b/c you can do things with your hands. most people have forgotten how to do that and that's why currency has still has value"

drawing 12 panels of seasons for the graying man for christmas. putting more faith into ! b/c i am definitely not the one moving hearts and minds.

visitors

2011-10-19T08:41:00.002+09:00

old lady j has really lost her connection to present reality. today driving her back to manhattan, at her daughter's request, she thought i was her n. driver. wow. i'm glad i met lady j after she'd grown up and met to modern age of psuedo equality. it made me think about something i was asked about surprisingly frequently while i lived in the rok. whether the people here are "still" racists. i think people all around the world have pigeon holed square people into round spaces and round people in square spaces. and maybe having grown up as me, i tend to see people just as characteristics, good heart, good soul. the rest, not worthy of time dwelling. but yes, here of all places is where there should be less of it visible, palpable, even if just emotionally. but maybe because of an incorrigible subconscious sustained through other issues of entitlement, it's more blatant here. people in my office say things that make me cringe, they themselves have delayed reactions, of opps, i shouldn't have said that aloud. everyone should learn to play the piano, or at least an instrument of some sorts. because people say things that really shouldn't leave the crevices of their grey matter. if it had processed through the white matter...there would, hopefully, be something more valid, arguable, not just grey.

심란하다. 참. 너무 아프고, 너무 피곤하고,

listening to casker reading "the jazz piano book" living on 1800cal diet running 3mi/day

hence all this thinking...maybe

four days until the big event. i've got six of the eight panels done. maybe i'll get a chance to take a pic before the ppl come stomping through. inspiration, perspiration, and just luck...or blessed...^^

pamuzinda

2011-10-11T09:36:00.001+09:00

means where you belong in Zimbabwean.

i think many have come to realize that next big issue in modern society will not be the crash of global markets, or the freezing or cooling of the Earth. it will be something more basic, more mundane in a sense. nutrition.

it's nice to see an article in a major newspaper highlighting how the average citizens, universities, governmental organizations have recognized something we have an abundance of here in the US, refugees, who truly appreciate the value of hand grown food, and land, vacant yet arable. it's where people belong. if you value the food that goes into your mouth, you value quality, resolution, tenacity, ingenuity, faith, and most importantly life. something too many people take for granted lately.

colorful diet

2011-10-10T11:07:00.000+09:00

so i was reading. and it made a bit of sense. stuff that is good for your body, usually is vividly colorful. so going on the color diet. but synathesia says, eating too many thing w/ color makes your body crave white. so i bought a sketch pad. this will not work b/c of the supposed science behind it, it'll work b/c i already eat a plethora of colorful food and don't like bread here in the states. and my hands will be busy doing something other than rummaging for food.

said after eating a second dinner, the first skate in vinegar, red pepper veggie mix and omiga chai, the second, wild mushroom sweet corn and rossa. all consumed in a matter of three hours. it's all good though b/c i've walked/run a total of 20+miles this weekend.

sunny style

2011-10-08T12:51:00.004+09:00

dear teen girls of korea,

"sunny" was a great movie. a comedic nostalgic throwback to late 70's/80's culture.

BUT PLEASE, PLEASE, ppppplllleeeaaassseee do not revive the high waisted jeans + tucked in baggy button-up shirt trend. and if i start seeing acid wash jeans and vest combos, i will leave the country. no joke.

think different

2011-10-07T07:13:00.002+09:00

"the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do"

stay hungry stay foolish

2011-10-06T11:04:00.000+09:00

Steve Jobs at 56 left with more than he came

vacation's done me some good

2011-10-02T13:13:00.002+09:00

although it wasn't the PEEEERRRFFFEEECCCTTT vacation... a week in paradise must have done me some good. wonderfully less stressed, i'm feeling ridiculously productive. not the fake "oooh i should do stuff - maybe, darn, it's already 2... 3... 4... oooh i'm hungry.... 9 at night oh well i'll do it tomorrow" kinda mood, like the "checklist check check check check all done" kinda mood.

er... blog post was not on the checklist, but heeeeey..... logging off.... now.

tommaso rava quartet

2011-10-02T02:28:00.000+09:00

listening to trq and winston. thanksgiving. reading words of assisi. "start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you're doing the impossible." this year, moved on to doing what's possible and still stuck on to self-control perseverance [2 Peter 1]. settled for pumpkin spice latte. what i really really want is coffee bean's sweet potato latte. maybe i should have made friends with that barista. he laughed the first time i asked for a latte and said, oh, come on, that's not coffee. yes, it's milk, hence, latte. he made it for me anyway, and threw in an extra shot of espresso. and stared bewildered when i drench the latte with honey. it's napa weather here, rain in the morning, beautiful sun the rest of the day. my apple pie crust tan is slowly turning an ugly grey clay color. today, 10.01.11, will start with 2 Peter 1 again. props to lefty. not only does she chase hurricanes, she wears it like no other. motivation to swim in deeper oceans.

i went to boracay...

2011-10-01T09:34:00.010+09:00

and yes, there was a hurricane. seriously. i need better travel luck. i went to busan in a hurricane, jeju in a hurricane. now i can check boracay in a hurricane off my list. fortunately, we could stuff our faces with delicious goodies (ole! lemon cafe! cymus!), the hurricane cleared, and i could jump again.

left two pounds heavier, but with a much much lighter heart.

good bye boracay! hope to see you again, real soon.

minutes

2011-09-30T09:44:00.002+09:00

punkass taxi driver, 6ft tall, decides he's going to test the trajectory of his sputum. ahHEM! as i walk across the passageway at 30th street in my clear jellies, feet completely exposed. luckily the wind blew it back. HA!
척주가 너무너무 아프다...ㅠㅠ
went to mail lefty's package, cause the package i sent last time was for another person. i didn't know until i cleaned out my closet today. luckily, i realized, after waiting in a line that should headline tonight news about how philly's post office is not going bankrupt, that her addy is missing an apartment number...or maybe her building knows her...? oh, wait to you see what i did while i was waiting in line lefty, you will be perplexed.
went looking for gym pant. y oh y are there no cheap gym pants. everything was 50 or more. you know how much ramen i could eat....
ramen, i keep dreaming of ramen. every time i eat it though i feel so defeated. it makes me sick every single time. but while it's in my mouth, i'm very happy. chEESse. at j's suggestion, i spit it out last time...it's not the same, i'm happy while it's in my mouth and up until it's gets into my duodenum.
just gave my plants a bath. literally, wiping down the leaves and petals. maybe it's b/c i live on the north west corner of a very large building that barricades the wind flowing elsewhere, maybe it's b/c philly's air is just that bad, but the dust, it's almost as bad as seoul. yes, it's b/c i keep my window open, all the time. ...you know, for prince charming to come by with a serenade...
couldn't even finish the second slice. the amount of food i can't eat, not b/c i don't want to but b/c my body won't let me. it's sad when two 70 y.o. women and your mother can out eat you all day long.
they should have a sushi ota on the east coast. mmmmm...

cleaned my desk, packed. will be back. i had other more significant things i intended to write, but i decided to wait. to think. to simmer. instead i leave you with lighter, digestible concepts.

pumpkin seeds

2011-09-28T07:57:00.000+09:00

벌서...어떻게

buckshot lefonque

2011-09-27T09:58:00.000+09:00

another day. the intro with the popping percussions.

ra.d. i'm in love

sinatra one for my baby

all my tomorrows

on replay

w/ stan getz and antonio carlos jobim and humming urban stereo

the field house, hong kong, mike lau's just done it...

use sports,

use sports to get what you want

use them to fit in

use them to stand out

to have fun

and to feel alive

to fail

and win

use sports to change yourself

태양계

2011-09-26T07:59:00.003+09:00

monterey aquarium worth 3 hours, just sitting here would have been fine with me.

maybe i do have an aversion to sleep. on a precipitous road, it's difficult to settle down enough to sleep. in college, s said that i seem to be working, eyebrows furrowed, even in my sleep. probably why i'd always wake up with a headache.

words of advice, never travel with 2 septuagenerians, if you're restless like me. never.

"it's not what you look at that is important, it's what you see."

listening to ssk's new album after a day of standards.
reading 이생도처유상수

what i learned in cali...maybe i should get married...

꼬꼬면

2011-09-25T14:15:00.002+09:00

not bad.

worth a try.

I'd eat it again.

"spicy chicken noodle soup" is the apt description.

i need to read more

2011-09-22T01:12:00.004+09:00

because i cannot make a complete original grammatically correct sentence.

on the other hand... my retail therapy is still alive and kickin and killing my bank account.

only because i'm using the self-control portion of my brain keeping myself from ordering from every pizza/fried chicken/ramen/ttukbokki joint i walk by.

they know...

2011-09-15T01:59:00.003+09:00

they know what i did last night.

this happens to me quite often. and some may think it's all in my head. but as soon as i decide or think A, B happens. not even just B... maybe M or Y. Never Z though. Never Z.

example:

two days ago: i'm going spartan, except for shopping... (working on the will, righty, working on the will)

today: student's mom buys my a cappuccino. not that i'll ever say no to a cappuccino. heck, no sweat (or $) off my back. but there goes the diet.

i have to wear a bathingsuit in t-11 days.

trying to recall everything i learned in that one pilates class in college. watch me slip a disk.

i dare you.

control

2011-09-13T02:21:00.002+09:00

willpower

re-reading an interesting article from the times.

"The brain has a limited capacity for self-regulation, so exerting willpower in one area often leads to backsliding in others."

"Other activities that deplete willpower include resisting food or drink, suppressing emotional responses, restraining aggressive or sexual impulses, taking exams and trying to impress someone. Task persistence is also reduced when people are stressed or tired from exertion or lack of sleep."

stress has got me spending a little too much at coex. again.

noticing:

an unhealthy trend of trying to control everything,
and binging a little too often when i can't. (yes, righty, i know, type a! type a!)

mood swings distinctly related to unrelated events in life.

there's too much out of my control.

so will go spartan.

except for the excessive shopping. which will hopefully cut down on the excessive eating, worrying, anxiety... or add to that one? and internet use... erm... after this post.

there's too much out of my control.

watched a movie today... was completely annoyed by the beautiful, young, tragic, bad-but-good female lead. really, how many ironic - but-no-longer ironic, silent, longing, pouty, near-tears, i-have-some-deep-dark-secret-i-need-to-tell-you scenes can you put in a 2 hr movie? i felt like i'd watched a whole 18-epi k-drama's worth.

that being said, i wish i could pull off the ironic-but-no-longer ironic, silent, longing, pouty, near-tears i-have-some-deep-dark-secret-i-need-to-tell-you look. complete with eyeliner, leather jacket, and motorcycle.

but my eyes are dried out from the air conditioning.

there's too much out of my control.

sick

2011-09-08T07:33:00.000+09:00

once in a lifetime. caught on the dl shipped over night

the same dish but different every time. geh-jang: live crab cut in half then seasoned soy sauce, garlic, onions, red peppers. my mom makes it best.

sometimes it's better on the other side of the river

i capture the future.

2011-09-07T02:11:00.004+09:00

hm... does it sound stupid for me to say that my horoscope's been spot on for the last few days? I mean... like... not in the vague life will have it's ups and downs sorta way... like matching specific events and persons word for word. which is freaking me out. just coz... you know?

and it's not really self-fulfilling right now either... (could i get any more harry potter or o'henry?) just one particular event out of five, only because i wanted that to happen and it was under my control.

dear horoscoper ~ see any of this in my future?

(medium ysl chyc in cobalt. or stone gray.) (new job) (good pizza) (a good good night kiss) (time to spare) (laughing till my belly hurts) (good vacation weather on my vacation)

oh my, did i just jinx myself?

150 years

2011-09-02T12:25:00.000+09:00

from today. i met someone who's done amazing things. 역시 사람은, 우물을 파야되. are you just thinking about tomorrow? or 100 years from today?

금강송

37 days

who can say

2011-08-30T09:13:00.000+09:00

that at 30 they only have two things left on their bucket list.

so i'm going to add one, just to make it an even 3. burning man. next year, chip in to buy me tix. apparently $800 --- doesn't that defeat the who point though --- i might as well go hiking with m. bare naked. but i have a feeling that burning will be well worth it.

irene

2011-08-29T09:28:00.001+09:00

j.t.r.m came to weather the storm here. talk above over reacting. lots of food, beverages, sirens. didn't sleep at all. this morning, along the river, what used to be stairs is now underwater. i never noticed this particular sculpture, in the far left corner, it's entitled "The Immigrant" naked, hunched over, with only a blanket rolled up under his arm. his companions, others at a beginning.

today is ten years to the day. why is this the one thing i can't forget?

an oil tank that seems to have been washed off a lawn. are they going to wait for the waters to recede before taking it out? it's harder that way.

i don't even give out my number that easily...

2011-08-28T23:25:00.003+09:00

so what gives you the right to give MY number? without even telling me?

breach of trust.

blah. i need a glass of wine.